My Telling: Takenya
Who am I?
My views of sexual relationships were skewed early on because my dad was a pedophile. He, at 35 impregnated my mom with me when she was only twelve years old. So, growing up I had a distorted view of male/female relationships. When I was young, my interactions with males were always tense and scary. I often felt like I was being violated by my childhood male peers when in fact, my interactions with them were just normal childhood mischief. I was very untrusting and suspicious of men because my sexual programming had been distorted. My hopes of normalcy were interrupted because of the innate confusion I had about my conception. I always had so many questions, like: “Am I supposed to be alive?” and “If he molested my mom, and she gave birth to me, then what does that makes me?”. When I didn’t know truth about my father and mother my world was fine but, once I knew the truth, my world became unstable and difficult. Now, I have a budding sense of who I am. ReClaim helped me to realize that I am completely special.
A Trap Set
At the age of seven I was seduced by teenage girls. They would always tell me stories about male genitalia. The stories were always graphic and sensual. Looking back I’m sure that they themselves were probably sexually abused and they were just imitating what had been done to them. On occasion they would stick objects inside me and try to draw me into sexual acts with them. I told on them in ReClaim.
This Was No Joy Ride
At the age of nine my uncle tried to molest me. We were riding in the car on the way to church choir practice when began to ask me questions like: “Do you have a boyfriend?”, “Do you touch him?” and “Does he touch you?” Then he dropped me off. I went in and took my seat in the choir stand and began trembling. My mind was racing trying to figure out what he was planning to do to me during the ride home. I thought about telling my choir leader, but the words wouldn’t come to my head. What could I have said? No words in my 9 year old mind could describe the discomfort and fear I was feeling. When practice was over he was outside of the church waiting to take me home. When I got in the car he preceded then to take my hand and try to make me touch his penis. I pulled my hand away and slid over in my seat afraid and confused. After that day I never sang again. I was always afraid to. I have no doubt that he is still molesting kids today. I had always felt his pedophiliac grooming with me was insignificant until I learned in ReClaim that there is no act of sexual abuse that should go untold; no matter how small it may seem.