February 2017: A Message from Dr. Kaye Smith,
Founder of ReClaim Global
IT’S TIME TO ADDRESS YOUR PAST.
If you were a victim of childhood sexual abuse, there’s not a better time to address what happened to you and ReClaim your entire life – for real? Sign up now for our next ReClaim intensive (email@example.com and see our calendar – click here). You will be amazed at how much you will learn about yourself and how much your childhood sexual abuse is still controlling your adult life, in ways you never imagined. Don’t stuff those feelings down anymore. And, don’t be fooled that you are over your abuse. I believed the lie, I was over mine. I’ve since learned first hand, it was not finished with me.
For over two decades, I’ve worked with victims of childhood sexual abuse, both men and women, most of who never wanted to face the reality of the impact of their childhood sexual abuse. Like most victims, I forced my abuse to become part of my past. I had no need to ever think about it again, especially as I progressed into adulthood.
After I allowed myself to become cognitively aware of my painful abuse — and I was all alone with it all my life – I began to realize that I had not really kept it in my past. The truth was all of my life I had flashes about my abuse. They would pop into my mind at anytime, anywhere. When I began to really process my abuse, at first I handled these flashes of horror with myself-created u-turn signal. My conscious mind always overruled my subconscious, where my feelings hid. Any thought of any memory I would say, “uh uh, we don’t go there.”
One day, I had an “omg” experience. This was when I began to realize just how much my childhood abuse was still actually controlling my adult life. I discovered that the little victims who were molested, and the young woman who was raped by an intruder, were unable to squash anything. They were actually as raw, confused, hurt, damaged, and unprocessed as I was when I was their age. While I had gone on with my adultlife, even forgiving these horrible men, the reality was the victims inside me didn’t age. They lived in a time warp. They still needed as much help as I did when I was their age. But, that wasn’t the only part of my “omg” experience. The other part was how much these victims were actually controlling many aspects of my adult life, in ways that I never dreamt possible. Until I faced my abuse, I never realized why I couldn’t “really” let go and allow my adoring husband to kiss me. It was because his mustache reminded, made me think of my rapist, but at the time I didn’t connect that.
I frequently feigned the same excuse to my family why I didn’t want to go to the movies. I would say, “Go on without me. Mama will enjoy the quietness of the house.” I didn’t realize that the five-year-old living inside was still terrified of the movies.
Though I was a taskmaster about everything else, I couldn’t conquer my closet. It was always a huge mess. One day I realized if I disturbed my closet, it meant two of the victims living inside would no longer have their hiding place. God, how many times I hid in my closet behind my mother’s and sister’s long dresses. It was my safe place.
These and many, many more examples kept me in bondage to my childhood abuse.
I’ve heard many victims say they are a survivor, or a thriver of their abuse. That’s what I was at best. But in reality, I became an adult professional about stuffing it down and assuring myself I could just get over it. I did that for over four decades. It never occurred to me that the victims were still living inside me and they needed to be reclaimed.
This is just one of the reasons I created ReClaim Global –
a safe place for victims to fall where they can examine their lives and discover how much of their life really needs to be reclaimed. I am much more than a survivor or thriver. Those are people who just learn how to cope and live around their abuse. But, if not truly dealt with – it will follow them. I am a ReClaimer now. This means everything that happened to these victims who live inside of me are also past their abuse, too.
To find out how your abuse is still controlling you –for that reason alone-you should come to a ReClaim program. Write me today at firstname.lastname@example.org.