Peace Stolen

I was six when my parents got divorced. My brother and I had to move back to Ohio from Hawaii with my mother. We lived with her family, which included her mom and 2 brothers. My mother went out on the town a lot and left my brother and me at home with her family. One night I remember lying in my bed trying to go to sleep and one of my uncles came into my room. I didn’t know why he was there, but I remember him putting a pillow over my face and telling me to scream into the pillow. I was very scared and I knew that what he was doing was very wrong!! He stuck his finger in my vagina and it hurt very bad!! All I can remember is a lot of pain and screaming into the pillow. He told me if I told anyone he would kill me. I was so afraid.  I became quiet from then on. I don’t understand why someone did not see the change in me and investigate it. From then on, I had a fear of pillows. I did not have pillow fights or let any pillows be unaccounted for. I was a pretty normal little girl before that happened, talked a lot, etc… But after that, I was very quiet and angry.

What Happened When I Told

My dad came to visit and my brother and I went to his mom and dad’s house. We took showers together because my brother and I were so young and also to save water. My dad noticed I was scared and that I wasn’t acting like I normally had. He asked me what was wrong and I wouldn’t tell him. After a while of him continuously asking and me finally relenting in tears, I told him what happened in the best words I could at that age. He took me to a doctor and got proof that yes I was telling the truth. He took me home and we had a meeting with my mom, her mom, and the uncle that had violated me. My mom and her family ganged up on me.  They called me a liar, and even though we had medical proof, my dad did not pursue it anymore. He left me there and went back to work in another state-he was in the military.

My mom, brother, and I eventually moved out of her family’s home.  I was a very angry girl, and I ended up hating my mom and my family. She kept bringing the uncle around and I kept getting even angrier. I would beat up kids in my neighborhood-people knew not to mess with me. I was so self conscience. I used to think I was ugly because my mother would tell me I was ugly. It’s funny as I look back on it-she must have been talking about herself, because I look just like her!! I struggled with relationships and trusting people. I would hurt someone before they could hurt me. I did not know how to love others or even myself.

Living With My Pain

I moved out of my mother’s house at age 16 and lived with my dad and his wife for about 2 years. I moved to Florida when I was almost 19. I met my husband later and we started having kids. We had lots of trouble because of me. My temper was out of control. I would embarrass him with things I would say, and try to start fights with people. I was just a torn up little girl in an adult body!! I just wanted someone to love me for who I was and stop asking what the heck is wrong with me!!

I found Reclaim through one of my friends. Now, I don’t have the urge to yell at people for no reason or start fights with them. I am at peace and I absolutely love my family!! I understand that I am not a mistake and I am not ugly. In fact, I’m pretty! My husband and I are doing so much better! And I am walking taller and don’t care what other people say or think.